I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize