i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
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I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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