I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
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he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
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I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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