did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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