I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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