Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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