Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
