weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
