So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
