Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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