The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Do you remember whose house we're in?
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