i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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