I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
