Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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