He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
