he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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