I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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