if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
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She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
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Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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