There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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