Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
there's paper in my vomit.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
