sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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