Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
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