Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
