Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
