More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
