Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
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I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
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He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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