a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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