Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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