haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
