i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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