im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
