Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
