Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
All I want is dick and wine.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
