Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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