You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
