I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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