Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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