Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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