ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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