I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
