ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
