But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
