I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Houston, we have a blender
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need Xanax blowdarts
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize