Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
