You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
