Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??