She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
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At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
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Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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