i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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