The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
