I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
