I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
