I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.