I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
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I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
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I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I would ride that face into the sunset