Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.