the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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