If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
