There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
