Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
