I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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